The first rule of any of my coaching programs and the golden rule of transformation after a decade obsessing over creating change —is to drop the ego.
There is nothing more important to long-term success and ability to create enduring results, because:
The ego wants you to be right.
The ego wants to stay the same.
The ego wants to live in excuses.
The ego wants you to play small.
The ego wants to be comfortable.
The ego wants to never transform.
The ego wants to have the answers.
Well, simple —the ego registers change as a part of itself dying and will claw, fight, scratch and hit you below the belt to stay the same.
(Even if staying the same means pain and emotional anguish.)
A few years ago —someone signed up for one of my programs.
They’d told me they’d signed up for other programs with little results and told me why it was do-or-die —and they were allllllllllll in.
(I’m now allergic to these statements as they tend to come from “talkers”.)
And the first training session, I looked them square in the eye and challenged them to play bigger:
To stop using weak language.
To stop justifying circumstances.
To stop playing small and show up.
They sent me an email after the session demanding a refund —because their ego was triggered.
And this is precisely why change can seem so elusive.
Think about that: this person had just declared why it was time to change and the moment they were challenged —the ego stopped them cold.
The reality is:
Those on the path of mastery are willing to drop the ego over and over.
Even after they experience “success” and have every reason to get high on their own supply —they choose not to.
Here are some crucial ways to drop the ego and ensure you’re creating the transformation you’re capable of:
Be open to new ideas.
Being “open” means not clinging on to ways of doing and being in the world —and instead staying curious to new ideas.
Adopt a beginner’s mindset.
Be willing to go back to basics —even when you’ve experienced success by being an unquenchable student of growth.
Enter challenging environments.
The ego avoids entering challenging rooms with people who are further along and will demand a more evolved version of itself.
Bruise the ego for growth.
Every growth cycle requires the ego to be tempered, bruised and sometimes obliterated into the ether.
And let me finish with this:
It’s easy to drop the ego when you’re at rock bottom and your identity has been rocked without any stable ground to walk on.
What’s really impressive is those who continuously seek to drop the ego when they have every reason not to.
That is what we call mastery.
Examine those at the top of any field and you’ll notice they can show up like the best of them —while they’re the most humble person in the room.
They are open, coachable and know they don’t have all the answers.
Drop the ego and watch the magic happen.
Or hold onto it for dear life —and watch your transformation fade away.
Which will you choose?