Conditional living is operating under the fallacy that only when you arrive at the result, dream or financial income you crave —then and only then will you feel freedom, peace and joy.

And whether or not we operate this way consciously —there is no hiding the truth:

Most people wait for results to feel freedom.
Most people wait for results to feel presence.
Most people wait for results to feel deep joy.

And the reason why this doesn’t work is twofold:

  • You miss “here” for some illusion of “there.”
  • You send a signal that you are not worthy.

Let’s break these down and why they matter:

You miss “here” for some illusion of “there.”

Are you really going to miss the next four years of your life as you strive towards your dream missing key moments along the way?

Because let’s be real: the promotion you desire, the six-figure-launch, the book deal —those are all amazing.

But they’re fleeting and can sometimes even be oddly anticlimactic.

I read a book by entrepreneur John Roa this year in which he details looking at his account with $1,000,000 in it and it feeling so different than what he imagined.

To quote:


Jesus. I blinked my eyes, making sure they weren’t playing games with me.

I was a millionaire?

A confusing crosshatch of emotions shot through my brain. I felt happy and confused, and for some reason, heavy. This was cool, but what did it mean? What were the implications? What was I supposed to do with a million dollars?

So, what’s a better way?

Don’t miss “here” for “there” —and find peace, freedom and joy in the day to day process in front of you.

And secondly:

You send a signal that you are not worthy.

By living conditionally, you are basically sending out a signal to the world that as you are right now —you’re not worthy.

Because you haven’t achieved or arrived at your goal —then you are fundamentally lacking at best and downright flawed at worst.

And this is a dangerous proposition —because if this is one’s operating system, then it will always feel like lack.

Just like Moby said in his searing memoir when he was engulfed by the grips of fame and an album that sold ten million copies:

“When you have the four-bedroom apartment on Park and are dating a supermodel, you want the six-bedroom apartment on Madison and the younger model. It is truly miserable .”

The reality is:

Conditional living is an old model of scarcity, fear and never being enough.

Not only is it no way to live —but it creates endless emotional turmoil, distress and even depression.

I call this the dark side of hustle and it’s an epidemic amongst achievers.

Because what if success was not some arrival moment —but a state of being?

And that your ability to create this state of being was your responsibility —regardless of circumstances, bank accounts or external results.

Oddly enough —when we break the pattern of conditional living:

We attract more of what we are.

What is your experience with conditional living?

One response to “Conditional Living”

  1. […] conditioned to see the process as a means to an end —more money, growth and results. But what if the process was that very end? That the end state is actually an emotional one: presence, abundance, […]

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